Ive studied 12 hours yesterday and the day before, and plan to do at least that today, tomorrow and both days this weekend.  My mind isnt used to this much punishment.  It wants a break so bad, but I cant, I have to do really well so I dont get kicked out of college.  I have to.

I hate having problems I cant talk about to anyone.  Like some of them I can deal with, but 1 specific one is really bothering me, and I cant talk about it with anyone.  I know Im wrong, so why do I keep thinking this way?  I duno.

Its funny in all this time studying I havent been able to feel really depressed, but when I stop for a minute it hits me like a ton of bricks.  What the hell is wrong with me?  Im so messed up.

At least Im putting on a good face for the kids.  I think Im making it look and sound like Im a lot better.  I wish I belived it.

sorry, depressing update.  I think the stress is getting to me.